Different things. Three Parts.

Part A: Matthew Zeller.
Four years later and I'm still feeling the same way about that whole situation. The 9th, 10th and 11th were the roughest days of this past year, yet again. It rained on the 10th, again. On Tuesday, I found the prayer card from the funeral while I was tearing apart my room and broke down. On Wednesday, when I was at work, the mom asked me the date while filling out the check and as I said December 10th, I broke down, again. On Thursday, I got an email update on his Legacy guest book and broke down, again. And then when I got too miserable to do anything I called Devin and went through everything that happened on the 10th in 2004, and broke down again. At CAMPUS, there was an acoustic guitarist/musician/singer whatever, and she sang some song that just got to me, and I broke down, again. After CAMPUS, at ND, I was telling Radu everything that happened, and I broke down, again.
I have not gotten over his death and I doubt, at this point, that I ever will. It was a tragic, horrific accident that never should have happened. Zeller was an amazing person and will always have a place in my heart.

Part B: School raped me.
No matter what the hell I do I still end up with a C+ and a B-. I'm sick of school and sick of bullshit. I hate hate hate hate hate school. I hate juggling work, social life (w/o that in college, what is the point), and my education. I have no money, very few opportunities to work, no time... I need ALL A's next semester, while taking 5 classes (20 credits). Expect to never see me next semester.

Part C: People.
I don't want the distraction anymore. :'(

Pressure.

Letting all the bullshit go. It's about time I stepped up to the plate.